An Upset at the Bowling Alley
January 6, 2004
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year. We rang in the new year last Saturday by taking the family bowling. It was my son's first game. A group of friends of ours got together with the kids and went kiddie bowling, where they put up the bumpers on each side to keep the kids' bowling balls from going in the gutters. Now I'm not the best athlete in the world, and maybe bowling isn't a sport, but my athletic psyche took a major blow that night. There, at the Three Lanes Bowling Alley my son beat me. By a lot.
I think I can say I was distracted by the food the first few frames. Maybe the cheeseburger and onion rings weren't sitting too well. My son would pick up a six-pound ball and waddle up the lane and let the ball drop. Two hours later, it would hit the pins with the velocity of a flea. But the pins fell. And they kept falling. Maybe I should have switched from the 12-pounder to the 10-pounder sooner than the 6th frame.
Because by the 6th frame I had dug myself a huge hole. I was just enjoying the evening, talking with friends, making sure nobody's kid got stuck in the ball retriever, when my buddy Dave pokes me and says, "Hey. Do you know your kid is beating you by 20 pins?" Yea right, I think, and glance up at the board. $@#!**! He IS beating me by 20 pins. Am I that bad? Apparently, yes. So I stop socializing and start to focus. I can't get beat by the kid. Gutter guards, or no gutter guards. 7th frame, my son waddles down the aisle and lets one fly. 5 pins. I'm ok, no way he gets the spare. Way. His second ball crawls down the lane. It takes forever. I go to the bathroom. It's still rolling. I check the Cowboys vs Panthers score. Cowboys are losing. Great. It's still rolling. Finally the ball reaches its destination and cleanly knocks the other 5 down. I'm in deep trouble.
I grab the 10-pounder and heave it like a gorilla. I bank it off the left bumper guard and it knocks over 6 pins. My wife and friends are now starting to heckle me. I strain my lower back with my second throw, overcompensating too much and throw an air ball. My son is rubbing it in by chasing girls around the chairs. The kid is in my head. I slam a beer. It doesn't help. By the time we hit the 10th frame it's over. Son - 91. Hank - 78. Unbelievable. I want to be proud of his accomplishment but come on!
Greatest bowling upset ever? Maybe. But let's just say I'm not taking him golfing anytime soon.
Hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Year. We rang in the new year last Saturday by taking the family bowling. It was my son's first game. A group of friends of ours got together with the kids and went kiddie bowling, where they put up the bumpers on each side to keep the kids' bowling balls from going in the gutters. Now I'm not the best athlete in the world, and maybe bowling isn't a sport, but my athletic psyche took a major blow that night. There, at the Three Lanes Bowling Alley my son beat me. By a lot.
I think I can say I was distracted by the food the first few frames. Maybe the cheeseburger and onion rings weren't sitting too well. My son would pick up a six-pound ball and waddle up the lane and let the ball drop. Two hours later, it would hit the pins with the velocity of a flea. But the pins fell. And they kept falling. Maybe I should have switched from the 12-pounder to the 10-pounder sooner than the 6th frame.
Because by the 6th frame I had dug myself a huge hole. I was just enjoying the evening, talking with friends, making sure nobody's kid got stuck in the ball retriever, when my buddy Dave pokes me and says, "Hey. Do you know your kid is beating you by 20 pins?" Yea right, I think, and glance up at the board. $@#!**! He IS beating me by 20 pins. Am I that bad? Apparently, yes. So I stop socializing and start to focus. I can't get beat by the kid. Gutter guards, or no gutter guards. 7th frame, my son waddles down the aisle and lets one fly. 5 pins. I'm ok, no way he gets the spare. Way. His second ball crawls down the lane. It takes forever. I go to the bathroom. It's still rolling. I check the Cowboys vs Panthers score. Cowboys are losing. Great. It's still rolling. Finally the ball reaches its destination and cleanly knocks the other 5 down. I'm in deep trouble.
I grab the 10-pounder and heave it like a gorilla. I bank it off the left bumper guard and it knocks over 6 pins. My wife and friends are now starting to heckle me. I strain my lower back with my second throw, overcompensating too much and throw an air ball. My son is rubbing it in by chasing girls around the chairs. The kid is in my head. I slam a beer. It doesn't help. By the time we hit the 10th frame it's over. Son - 91. Hank - 78. Unbelievable. I want to be proud of his accomplishment but come on!
Greatest bowling upset ever? Maybe. But let's just say I'm not taking him golfing anytime soon.
posted by Hank Louis Tierney at 7:33 PM
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