Vacation's All I Ever Wanted
August 12, 2006
We took a trip into the strange but fun this summer when we visited my wife's folks for a week in Castle Rock, CO. One of the days she suggested we visit one of her favorite childhood vacation spots, the "North Pole" outside Colorado Springs. If you have ever visited the "North Pole" you know what a crazy, tripped out place it is. It's a Christmas theme park for little kids with county fair style amusement park rides.
The "North Pole" is located in the mountains just west of Colorado Springs. It's far enough out of the way that the boys actually thought we were going to the real North Pole. And when you pull up to the gate it's like you stepped into a scene from the movie, "A Christmas Story." Nothing but 1950's style Christmas decorations and theme rides as far as the eye could see. The boys emerged from our car and stared wide eyed at the huge ceramic Santa Claus greeting us at the front gate.
The park is actually a great place for kids around age 10 and under. Every square inch of the place was decorated in Christmas theme. Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" crooned from the sound system. All the workers were dressed as elves. There were reindeer holed up at a petting zoo. It was beautiful.
The boys tore into the rides for the first hour. In the middle of the park is a huge North Pole made out of ice. Not realizing it was solid ice, our oldest reached out to lean on it and smashed his face right into it. No real harm done so we continued our journey to the "Little Chapel of Christmas" where they had a small wooden chapel with Jesus, Mary, Santa Claus, Rudolph, and Frosty the Snowman. And they were all shopping at Wal Mart. The boys and I walked out a bit confused but forgot about the chapel after a cotton candy break. We then turned out attention to Santa's Workshop where a genuine Santa Claus had the boys sit on his lap and ask what they wanted for Christmas. I told my wife I didn't realize Santa had an Australian accent and got shushed.
The day was a smashing success. It was Christmas in August. We finally headed out and said good buy to all the worker elves. That is when the perfect day turned very, very ugly. Our decent into Colorado Springs started off innocently enough. The boys were cranky so we handed out snacks. And then we hit the mother of all traffic jams.
I-25 from Colorado Springs to Denver is always crowded and slow. But it's REALLY crowded and slow when there is an accident. About half way through Colorado Springs traffic came to a complete stop. We waited about 5 minutes before our baby girl started crying and the boys began fighting. You see, we took my mother-in-law's smaller Toyota Prius to save gas money and avoid wear and tear on our van. So all three kids were crammed into the back seat. Our girl's crying was magnified by the cramped quarters and the boys were beginning guerilla warfare.
I glanced at the snack provisions. Two cheese slices, a half a peanut butter sandwich and one fruit chew snack. We also had a bit of water left. Could be trouble. I pass out the cheese slices. We move about a 1/4 mile and then stop again. The baby's crying has raised to screaming level. The boys are demanding arbitration for the remaining fruit chew snacks. "Hey!" I suggest, "Why don't we try and pray a Rosary and see if we start to move again?" I mark our spot on the side of the road by an empty Burger King bag. Surely God will help us out of this jam?
25 minutes later the Burger King bag is mocking me. God has abandoned us. The baby's screaming is beginning to pierce my brain. Nothing calms her. I watch a weed spout up from the side of the road and grow into a full blown plant. Then for the next 45 minutes we inch forward 10 yards and stop. Each time I think we're going to get moving but we don't. I've run out of threats for the boys and they know I'm bluffing. I fantasize about leaping out of the car and running like the wind down the open shoulder of the road to the tune of "Born Free". A wad of peanut butter to the back of the head brings me back. A family to our left enjoys a movie in their spacious Yukon/Sequoia/Canyonero 4x4 sport utility. It looks like they're singing. And drinking champagne. The voices in my head tell me to kill them.
We finally start moving slowly. The baby passes out. Then the boys pass out. Freedom! Sweat Georgia Brown we're moving and they're asleep! We head for Castle Rock and I start fantasizing about whether I'm going to start with beer or go straight to the hard stuff when we get back to my wife's parents' house. But just when we thought we were out of it...our oldest throws up.
Oh it's a beauty too. The car now smells like a cheesy, peanutty, fruit chew snack. The stench wakes up the baby who starts to scream again. My hallucinations start in again for the final 20 minutes. We finally pull into the driveway and we bail out of the car like it's on fire. On the bright side, my decision is made for me and I break into the hard stuff.
Fortunately the rest of our trip was fun and we didn't experience the decent into hell that we experience on I-25. However,next year's vacation is booked. We're heading to Seward. I hear their county fair is awesome.
We took a trip into the strange but fun this summer when we visited my wife's folks for a week in Castle Rock, CO. One of the days she suggested we visit one of her favorite childhood vacation spots, the "North Pole" outside Colorado Springs. If you have ever visited the "North Pole" you know what a crazy, tripped out place it is. It's a Christmas theme park for little kids with county fair style amusement park rides.
The "North Pole" is located in the mountains just west of Colorado Springs. It's far enough out of the way that the boys actually thought we were going to the real North Pole. And when you pull up to the gate it's like you stepped into a scene from the movie, "A Christmas Story." Nothing but 1950's style Christmas decorations and theme rides as far as the eye could see. The boys emerged from our car and stared wide eyed at the huge ceramic Santa Claus greeting us at the front gate.
The park is actually a great place for kids around age 10 and under. Every square inch of the place was decorated in Christmas theme. Bing Crosby's "White Christmas" crooned from the sound system. All the workers were dressed as elves. There were reindeer holed up at a petting zoo. It was beautiful.
The boys tore into the rides for the first hour. In the middle of the park is a huge North Pole made out of ice. Not realizing it was solid ice, our oldest reached out to lean on it and smashed his face right into it. No real harm done so we continued our journey to the "Little Chapel of Christmas" where they had a small wooden chapel with Jesus, Mary, Santa Claus, Rudolph, and Frosty the Snowman. And they were all shopping at Wal Mart. The boys and I walked out a bit confused but forgot about the chapel after a cotton candy break. We then turned out attention to Santa's Workshop where a genuine Santa Claus had the boys sit on his lap and ask what they wanted for Christmas. I told my wife I didn't realize Santa had an Australian accent and got shushed.
The day was a smashing success. It was Christmas in August. We finally headed out and said good buy to all the worker elves. That is when the perfect day turned very, very ugly. Our decent into Colorado Springs started off innocently enough. The boys were cranky so we handed out snacks. And then we hit the mother of all traffic jams.
I-25 from Colorado Springs to Denver is always crowded and slow. But it's REALLY crowded and slow when there is an accident. About half way through Colorado Springs traffic came to a complete stop. We waited about 5 minutes before our baby girl started crying and the boys began fighting. You see, we took my mother-in-law's smaller Toyota Prius to save gas money and avoid wear and tear on our van. So all three kids were crammed into the back seat. Our girl's crying was magnified by the cramped quarters and the boys were beginning guerilla warfare.
I glanced at the snack provisions. Two cheese slices, a half a peanut butter sandwich and one fruit chew snack. We also had a bit of water left. Could be trouble. I pass out the cheese slices. We move about a 1/4 mile and then stop again. The baby's crying has raised to screaming level. The boys are demanding arbitration for the remaining fruit chew snacks. "Hey!" I suggest, "Why don't we try and pray a Rosary and see if we start to move again?" I mark our spot on the side of the road by an empty Burger King bag. Surely God will help us out of this jam?
25 minutes later the Burger King bag is mocking me. God has abandoned us. The baby's screaming is beginning to pierce my brain. Nothing calms her. I watch a weed spout up from the side of the road and grow into a full blown plant. Then for the next 45 minutes we inch forward 10 yards and stop. Each time I think we're going to get moving but we don't. I've run out of threats for the boys and they know I'm bluffing. I fantasize about leaping out of the car and running like the wind down the open shoulder of the road to the tune of "Born Free". A wad of peanut butter to the back of the head brings me back. A family to our left enjoys a movie in their spacious Yukon/Sequoia/Canyonero 4x4 sport utility. It looks like they're singing. And drinking champagne. The voices in my head tell me to kill them.
We finally start moving slowly. The baby passes out. Then the boys pass out. Freedom! Sweat Georgia Brown we're moving and they're asleep! We head for Castle Rock and I start fantasizing about whether I'm going to start with beer or go straight to the hard stuff when we get back to my wife's parents' house. But just when we thought we were out of it...our oldest throws up.
Oh it's a beauty too. The car now smells like a cheesy, peanutty, fruit chew snack. The stench wakes up the baby who starts to scream again. My hallucinations start in again for the final 20 minutes. We finally pull into the driveway and we bail out of the car like it's on fire. On the bright side, my decision is made for me and I break into the hard stuff.
Fortunately the rest of our trip was fun and we didn't experience the decent into hell that we experience on I-25. However,next year's vacation is booked. We're heading to Seward. I hear their county fair is awesome.
posted by Hank Louis Tierney at 7:51 PM
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